The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and a knockout post closeness .

However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To prevent look at this website the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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